Karma Sutra


Downloaded delicacies

On Id-ul-Fitr

*In a world troubled by IED and DIE, thank god for EID.

On World Humanitarian Day

*If vegetarian means vegetable eater, does humanitarian mean cannibal?

On exodus of NE people (August 2012)

*More than 110 ‘northeasterners’ have returned home following a backlash fear. Still people call their ‘homecoming’ ek-sau-dus…

On media-bashing

*Why blame MEdia for showing what it likes to? If you want otherwise, try calling it something else. Like YOUdia…

 

Just like that

*One of our neighbourhood butcher’s mutton-to-be bolted. He is now looking for an escapegoat…

On currency notes found fished out of Guwahati water body (June 2012)

*We were told Assam’s wetlands were rich. Now we know they are cash-rich…

On grammar

*Back to school brushing up grammar with elder son. But am not able to figure out if singular of Hawaii is Hawas…

On Earth Day

*We are lucky earth is called Earth. Imagine celebrating Ur-anus Day!

On Fatwa

*Someday clerics will ban the production of sounds from your backside. They will call it Fartwa…

 

Something fishy

*A friend said she was on her way to Finland. Around the same time I was going to fin-land, the neighbourhood fish market.

On electronic era

*In this e-age, people hardly say ‘LOG PAAM’ (we shall meet) in Assamese anymore. They say BLOG PAAM…

On the world of cops

*An average Indian policeman’s ode to a typical Indian politician: “Ae maalik tere goondey hum, aisi ho hamaari karam, naake per chaley aur vasooli karey, taaki dhanda jaaye apni jam….

On understanding too much

*Sanskrit can make everything so ethereal and poetic. Take “Tamasoma jyotirgamaya…” for instance. A pedestrian person like yours truly would write this phrase as “Tamas ki maa Jyoti ke saath chali gayi...”

On brand names

*I’ve never understood why people flaunt a three-letter brand name on their ‘denimed’ buttocks. Arre baba, kisine tumhari LEE toh lee, pichhe pichhe aanewalon ko bataneki kya zaroorat….

*And some of those who haven’t had their backsides taken (Lee) flaunt le bhai (Levi)…

*Global car manufacturers don’t think much about using certain names for their models in India. Some virtually threaten people into buying them. For instance, kharido Hyundai VERNA…

*Or being partial to the Hindi Belt male organ. How else do you explain Sköda LAURA?

*Went to buy a Tata car the other day. The sad-looking vehicle protested – NA! NO! Na! No! Na, no! Nano!

On certain names

*After 40, most men on earth become Kashmiris – Ganjoo!

*I thought Gaza Strip was Paul ‘Gazza’ Gascoigne doing a striptease.

On celebrities

*Read a news headlined ‘Deepika (Padukone) experiences break-up woes’. What’s so woeful about celebrity break-ups? Don’t they meet, mate and checkmate all too often?

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About rahconteur

A mid-career journalist who's worked horizontally across India - from Arunachal Pradesh to Gujarat
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